There are a lot of people out here who have the game all fucked up. You've met them. You've heard their rhetoric. The people I'm referring to are those who proudly proclaim, "I'm a real ninja. I know I'm an asshole and I'm cool with that." Or, "Look, I know I'm a bitch but I don't know any other way to be. I'm always going to keep it 💯, it's not my fault if people can't handle me." Cut the bullshit! Just STOP! What you are is bitter and unhappy. It isn't cute and neither are you. You've allowed that ugly inner attitude to overpower your outward appearance. It's time to do the hard work necessary to fix it because all the carefully crafted angles and artfully applied filters in the world won't hide it.
Who hurt you? You can lie to me and say no one hurt you but you shouldn't lie to yourself. Who hurt you? Who broke your heart, betrayed you, abused you, trashed your self-esteem or made you feel as if you didn't matter? Who handed you the tools and raw materials you used to construct the walls that keep everyone out? You hate them and I understand why. You've probably envisioned elaborate revenge scenarios that make the most twisted Stephen King tale pale in comparison. I can help you out with this because I know the perfect way to exact your revenge - forgive them. That's right, forgive them.
Think about this - while you're tucked away behind your walls guarded and alone the person who hurt you is living life. They're laughing, loving, eating good and sleeping peacefully. If you cross their mind, trust me, it's a fleeting thought. Forgive them and release the power they have over you. I'm not asking you to forget, I'm asking you to forgive them and release the anger and bitterness you trapped inside when you built those walls. Until you do, you will continue to struggle in all your relationships - familial, platonic and romantic. There is a reason you don't have close friends who reach out regularly to check on you. There is a reason you are often at odds with your immediate family members. There is a reason you can't find love. You complain that you can't find someone to "accept you just the way you are." Why should they? Hurt people hurt people and you're hurting. Your bitchiness and/or tendency to be an asshole is not "just who you are." That's years of unaddressed hurt and pain manifesting itself. No one owes you their love except your parents. You want someone to ride for you then you need to ride for them by doing the work that will make you a whole, emotionally healthy person. Forgive yourself. Forgive those who hurt you. Release all the hurt, pain, sorrow and bitterness. Tomorrow I'll share a few forgiveness rituals if you need some ideas. I highly recommend journaling and/or therapy. It works and it's worth it. Do these things and I promise you your life will change for the better.